Quick Takes


    Thereís no justice, David. I recently saw Halle Berryís latest movie, Perfect Stranger. David Justice, you didnít keep your eye on the ball. Letting that absolutely magnificent woman take a walk, pardon my usual play on words, was a strikeout on three straight pitches. (Well, itís almost a sports article.)


    The Associated Press: 05/17/2007 02:37:38 AM MDT

Packers quarterback Brett Favre has changed his mind and now is expected to attend the team's mandatory minicamp this weekend, a person familiar with the situation said Wednesday.

    Itís a mandatory minicamp, and Favre is going to do his team a favor and show up. Iím sure Vince Lombardi would have understood if any member of the team didnít show up to a mandatory anything. That Packer would be packed period.


    Bob Gibson is one of the two greatest pitchers Iíve ever seen, the other being Sandy Koufax. Gibson is generally credited with having the lowest single-season ERA in history (at 1.12 in 1968). Thatís not the case. Gibby is actually #4. However, in all fairness to the great Gibson, the three pitchers ranked ahead of him were in the ďdeader-than-dead-ballĒ era. Gibsonís 1968 performance was so dominant that MLB lowered the pitching mound in 1969 to produce more offense. Gibsonís 1.12 ERA will never be touched.

    Pitcher                       Age             ERA             Year           

1. Tim Keefe                    23              0.857           1880

2. Dutch Leonard             22              0.961            1914

3. Mordecai Brown           29              1.038            1906

4. Bob Gibson                  32               1.123            1968


Story of the Week



From Monday Night Football:


    Don Meredith during a Browns game discussing Fair Hooker, Cleveland wide receiver. ďIíve never met one in my life.Ē


    Alex Karras during a Dolphins game discussing Garo Yepremian when they were teammates in Detroit. ďI wouldnít drop a bar of soap in the shower near him.Ē


From Cindy Joseph: 
    The Oakland Raiders had put together a great team. But Al Davis realized that the missing ingredient to a title is a championship quarterback. 
    Then one night, while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan. In one corner of the background, Davis spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a grenade straight into a window from 60 yards away. Then he threw another from 50 yards down a chimney. Then he hit a passing car going 80 miles per hour. ďI've got to get this guy,Ē Davis told himself. ďHe has the perfect arm." 
    So, he brings the young Afghan to the United States and teaches him the great game of football. Sure enough, the Raiders go on to win the Super Bowl. The young Afghan is hailed as a hero of football, and when Davis asks him what he wants, all the young man wants to do is call his mother. 
    "Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl. Itís the greatest sports event in the world. Iím a hero!" 

    "I don't want to talk to you," the old Muslim woman says. "Youíre not here for us when we need you. At this very moment there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week. And I have to keep your sister in the house so she isnít sexually assaulted." 
    The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, ďSon, I will never forgive you for making us move to Oakland.ď


From Robb Swanson:


    With his arrest for a double-murder in Atlanta in 2000, Ravens LB Ray Lewis tied the NFL record established by O.J. Simpson in 1994.


From Big Humor:


    The NFL announced today that, for financial reasons, they had to eliminate one team from the league. So they've decided to combine the Green Bay Packers and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and form one team, therefore saving jobs. They will be known as the TAMPACKS. Unfortunately, they're only good for one period and have no second string.


    The road NFL team arrives at the destination hotel. The players go to their rooms. One of them goes down to the hotel lobby for a magazine. As he turns to get off the elevator, he accidentally bumps into a young woman getting on. As he does, his arm goes into her breasts. They are both quite startled. The man says, "Miss. Pardon me. If your heart is as beautiful as your body, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "And if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in suite 2412."


    This NFL teamís new head coach and his wife were invited to the ownerís house for dinner as a way of formally welcoming them to the team. After they had eaten a large meal, the new coach leaned sideways on his chair and let a huge fart at the dinner table. The team owner, with a look of disgust, turned to the coach and said, "How dare you fart in front of my wife!" The coach replied, "Sorry, I didn't realize it was her turn!"


From Gridiron Jokes:

    The definition of an optimist: A Detroit fan waiting at the airport for the Lions to return home after a road win.


    The Arizona Cardinals have a new line of cologne. One problem; you wear it and the other guys score.


From All Sports Humor:


    After the NFL field official shot the blank gun to end the half, the Cincinnati Bengals players shot back with live ammo.


    One NFL team captain complained about pre-game ceremonies: I always call "head or tail" but I never get any.


Last Weekís Trivia


    In 1951, he set a national high school record that still stands when he returned four kickoffs for touchdowns in one game for Shanley High School in Fargo, North Dakota. He later went on to establish a record as a professional. This time it was baseball. Roger Maris set the record for most home runs in a season at 61, set in 1961. As far as Iím concerned, that record still stands; I donít recognize records set by druggies. As long as Iím on an editorial kick, Roger Maris is not in the Hall of Fame, but he damn well should be.


Trivia Question of the Week


    Who is the first player in MLB to steal 100 bases in each of his first three seasons? See next weekís Sports Junkie for the answer.