Quick Takes


    My team, the U. of Memphis, is now ranked #1 in the country in hoops. They weren’t this good when I lived there. Nothing would please me more than to watch them win March Madness. The U. of Memphis is a comparatively small school with just 21,000 students, but John Calipari obviously knows how to recruit and coach. He’s done an absolutely terrific job there.


    I’m already sick of the Super Bowl hype. Another 10 days of it will drive me nuts, assuming I’m not there already.


Story of the Week



Ron Jaworski held a celebrity golf tournament shortly after it was announced that he would be replacing Joe Theismann on Monday Night Football. Theismann was one of the celebrity players. Jaworski told the Philadelphia Inquirer that there is no animosity between the two former QB’s. It was suggested to Jaws by an unknown participant “to play in a foursome behind Theismann.”


"I quit school in the sixth grade because of pneumonia. Not because I had it, but because I couldn't spell it."

-Boxing great Rocky Graziano.

"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
-Golfer Greg Norman.

“Well, I see in the game in Minnesota that Terry Felton has relieved himself on the mound in the second inning.”

-Fred White, Kansas City Royals sportscaster, reading a wire-service summary that mistakenly showed the same starter and relief pitcher for the Minnesota Twins.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."

-Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."

-Jason Kidd, upon his drafting by the Dallas Mavericks.


 "I've won at every level except college and pro."
-Shaquille O'Neal, on his lack of championships at the time.


"Raise the urinals."
-Darrel Chaney, MLB player, on how management could keep the Braves on their toes.

"The only reason I don't like playing in the World Series is I can't watch myself play."
-Reggie Jackson.

"They shouldn't throw at me. I'm the father of five or six kids."
-Baseball player Tito Fuentes, after getting hit by a pitch.


"The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing."
-Dizzy Dean, explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series.

 "Half this game is ninety percent mental."

-Danny Ozark, Philadelphia Phillies manager.

"That's why I don't talk. Because I talk too much."
-Joaquin Andujar, MLB pitcher.


“I could have been a Rhodes Scholar, except for my grades.”
-Duffy Daugherty, football coach.


“On this team, we are all united in a common goal; it’s to keep my job.”
-Lou Holtz, football coach.


If hockey fights were fake, you would see me in more of them.
-Rod Gilbert, NHL player.


“The only way to stop Jim Brown was to give him a movie contract.”
-Spider Lockhart, NFL defensive back.


“Always remember that Goliath was a 40-point favorite over David.”
-“Shug” Jordan, football coach.


“You can observe a lot just by watching.”
-“Yogi” Berra.


“We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. I just can't figure out where else to play.”
-Pat Williams, MLB & NBA executive, and motivational sports speaker.


“Hitting the ball was easy. Running around the bases was the tough part.”
-Mickey Mantle.


“It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.”
-Henry Aaron.


“Candlestick Park was built on the water. It should have been built under it."
-Roger Maris.


“If he raced his pregnant wife, he'd finish third.” (On catcher Mike Scioscia.)
-Tommy Lasorda.


“They (Expos fans) discovered 'boo' is pronounced the same in French as it is in English.”
-Harry Caray, legendary baseball announcer.


“The kid doesn't chew tobacco, smoke, drink, curse, or chase broads. I don't see how he can possibly make it.”
-Richie Ashburn, MLB player.


“All I want is for my case to be heard before an impractical decision-maker.”
-Pete Rose.


“Now I’m down to one kidney and one penis.”

-Irv Lippel, after a kidney had to be removed in 2004.


Last Week’s Trivia


    What QB holds the record for most passing yards in a single NFL game? In a single NCAA game?
NFL: Norm Van Brocklin, Los Angeles Rams vs N.Y. Yankees in 1951. 554 yards.
NCAA: David Klingler, Houston vs Arizona State in 1990. 716 yards.


Trivia Question of the Week


    What is the NHL record for most penalties committed by both teams in just one period of a game? It’s incredible! (I went to a boxing match, and a hockey game broke out.) See next week’s Sports Junkie for the answer.